My best friend in our village is named Joe and he is a big lunk of a guy. He stands about six foot three and has the massive frame and slight limp of an aging rugby player. Courtney thinks he’s a hoot to have around as he keeps us laughing with his dry sense of humor. He’s worthless with keeping a female partner but his bed never stays empty for too long and all the female pub staff within 50 miles know him by name.
Hiding our swinging from Joe was nearly impossible. He’s a curious guy and can’t imagine why we wouldn’t be out with all our village friends every Friday and Saturday night at one of the local pubs. With the kids’ activities and social events for work, there was little enough time for swinging and the only place we could carve out any time was by ditching our friends on the occasional Friday or Saturday night for a club run.
Typically, we would come up with a cover story that Courtney could pass on to her friends and I would do the same with the guys. That way when they were all sitting in the local pub chatting, the stories would match up. But, no matter how well you work the stories and try to balance vanilla life and swinging, our closest friends began to get a little curious. The most curious was Joe. Courtney and I decide the best way to deal with Joe’s constant questions would be with a bit of a half-truth.
“Joe,” I started, “we won’t be at the pub this evening.”
Joe stuck his shovel down hard in the soft dirt. I leaned on my shovel and waited for the question. We’d been clearing the drainage ditch on the back side of Joe’s property most of a glorious summer morning and I'd waited until the end of the effort to start this conversation. He wiped the sweat off his forehead with his sleeve and gave me a long look.
“So, how am I supposed to pay you back for helping with the digging? I at least owe you a few beers.”
“That’s ok,” I replied, “we can make it up during the week or maybe next weekend.”
“What’s up that you can’t make the pub tonight?” Joe pulled his shovel back out of the ground and started digging again.
“We are off for a date night.” I stayed leaning on my shovel waiting for the inevitable next question.
“Where are you going? Anywhere fun?” Joe hit a rock with a clang and began working the shovel underneath it.
This was it, the point where Courtney and I would place our trust in one of our friends and see what happened. Would Joe buy the half-truth and help us out with our precarious balancing act?
“Yeah, it’s going to be fun,” I took a deep breath, “we are going to a sex club.”
Joe froze in mid motion. I waited as he turned back around to me. Even standing on the side of the ditch with Joe in the ditch, we were eye to eye.
“What?” Joe said
“We are heading to a sex club tonight.”
Joe stared at me evenly, “ah, well the ditch isn’t going to clear itself.” He started back digging.
“So, we go every once in a while to get away from the kids and have some privacy. It’s less expensive than a hotel and has a great hot tub. Joe kept digging silently and I felt the silence building, forcing me to speak further. “It’s not like we’re going and fucking random people, though that does happen there.”
“Mate, what you and Courtney do on your own time isn’t my concern.” Joe paused in is digging and added, “I just hope you guys are careful. I would hate to see you and Courtney have issues.”
I hopped back down in the ditch and stuck the tip on my shovel under the opposite side of the rock where Joe was prying at it. I shoved hard and then pried up at the same time as Joe shifting the rock enough for us to get further under it.
“We are very careful with our relationship buddy, thanks for the concern. This getting away for a bit and spending time focusing on us has been good.”
“One more time and we can get this bugger out of the ditch.” Joe and I levered down on our shovels and the rock came free. Joe reached down and picked up the big rock with one hand and tossed it an impressive distance. “Well, that does explain the dodgy behavior.”
“What dodgy behavior?” I asked.
“The running off and missing your friends at the pub, the last-minute trips to go dancing or the cinema showings that keep you out all night.”
“Yeah, that cinema excuse wasn’t one of our best ones,” I nodded.
“When are you off tonight?” Joe wiped a grubby hand on his shirt.
“We’ll take off about half eight. The drive is about thirty minutes.”
“Then you have time for a pint when the pub opens at six,” Joe pointed out.
“Yeah, that could work. I need to shower and all before that. Also, everyone will want to know where we are going when we take off early.”
Joe thought for a minute, “just say you are off for dinner and might make it back later. When folks start wondering where you are later on, I’ll just say they looked really tired and probably stayed in.”
“Now you see our problem,” I gave Joe a half smile, “our car won’t be at the house and we’ll get asked where we were out so late. Further, we'll have to sneak out because it’s a theme night at the club and we will look a bit silly in our 80’s gear.”
Joe thought another minute and replied, “Here’s what you do. I live just out of town in the country. Right? When you need to leave the pub tonight just say you are giving me a lift home. Change here at mine and then go on to the club. If anyone asks, you had dinner at mine and stayed for a bit.”
I had a sudden inspiration, I needed to bounce it off Courtney but didn’t have time as I needed to strike while the iron was hot. I paused to think and decided to call her anyway.
“Just a sec,” I said to Joe. “I have an idea.” I pulled out my phone and called Courtney. The phone rang three times and she answered.
“Yes? I’m getting my waxing right now,” Courtney said with a laugh. “How’s that for a visual.”
“Doesn’t sound fun to me at all. Hey, I had an idea. You know how we said we would tell Joe about our club trips? Well I just did.”
“Oh? How did that go?”
“Just fine, think it was a lot to take in at first. Anyway, what if we invited him along tonight?” There was a pause on the other end of the line.
“Are you suggesting that we…?” Courtney sounded shocked.
“No. No!” I replied as I realized what she was thinking. “Would never cross those streams!” I glanced over at Joe who was climbing out of the ditch. He wasn’t focused on Courtney and my phone our conversation.
“I was just thinking that he would come along, have a beer, hang out and hit the hot tub. We would go our own way to a room and meet him at the end of the night for the drive home.”
“I actually think that sounds fun,” Courtney said, “It will be fun seeing how shocked he is about the entire thing.”
“Ok, then I’ll see what he thinks. Catch you in a bit.”
“Love you too sweetheart!” I made a kiss sound as I hung up.
“You guys should get a room!” Joe said. “Oh, wait, you are, aren’t you?”
“Ha! That’s exactly right! If we don’t get out and away every so often you guys will all have to listen to our kissy, lovey talk.” I laughed as we walked across the field to Joe’s house.
“Can’t be having that!” Joe grinned. “That’s hard on all us single folks to have to hear.”
“So, just an idea, why don’t you join us tonight?” I looked at Joe and his eyes got wide.
“Mate, I would never…” Joe spluttered.
“Oh! No! No!” I shook my head with a horrified expression. “I wasn’t asking that!”
“Oh, ok.” Joe thought for a second, “what? Am I not good enough for your wife?” He laughed at my shocked expression and I soon joined in his mirth.
“Well, I don’t know about going to a sex club,” Joe struggled to say the word sex.
“It isn’t that big a deal,” I tried to set him at ease. “It’s just sort of like any other club. Bar, dance floor and all that. It also has a giant hot tub.”
I could see the gears churning in Joe’s head. “Tell you what, come to the pub at six and I’ll give you an answer then.”
When I got home, I dropped a note to Jay Dee’s Club on the fabswinger’s message function and let them know we were bringing a buddy along. I noted that our buddy was a vanilla friend and this was his first time in a sex club.
In a few minutes I got back a reply that, since he was with us regular members, they would make an exception and allow him in for a night that was usually just for couples. They also reminded us that it was an 80’s party and to come ready to dance.
When Courtney got back to the house, she pointed out the one big flaw in my plan, what if some of our swinger friends were at the club? If Brad and Jo, Bob and Sally, or Bill and Sherry suddenly walked up and started talking about all the fun we’d had, then the cat would truly be out of the bag! We would be completely outed as swingers!