So, you wake up one day and have the sudden urge to push the boundaries of your sexual experience. Or, you wake up one day and realized that time is slipping through the hourglass and there were all these weird things in your sexual bucket list that you hadn’t checked off. Or, you were sneaking a peek at some porn that got you a bit crazy and you thought, we could do that! Whatever your reason to mentally add swinging to your list of fantasies, it is still just a fantasy without your partner on board.
Understand, lots of people have this fantasy. It’s ok! You aren’t weird… well sort of. What usually happens is that the fantasy stays a fantasy and that is super ok as well. You and your partner add a dildo to the party and pretend it’s a threesome or you get super inventive and role play meeting a stranger. That’s ok too! It’s all about enjoying each other and spicing up your shared love life.
What isn’t ok is to keep your fantasies buried and unexplored without telling your partner. Even worse is not building the type of open communication relationship with your partner that is needed to share your most secret fantasies. Open up, share, love and enjoy each other during the time you have on this earth.
Which is better? Admitting you have a kink for swinging and deciding to keep it fantasy or sneaking around playing on swinging websites and perhaps sneaking off for a trial run? I bet the result of the latter course of action will be far worse! Can you say divorce, alimony and child support?
What won’t work is trying to fix a struggling marriage or relationship with swinging! What also won’t work is trying to fix a struggling sex life with your spouse/partner by swinging! Work on those issues inside the safe confines of your relationship. Don’t go on the swinging sexual safari without knowing if your fellow explorer has your back. Do you have their back?
Are your motives for swinging pure? I know that may sound counterintuitive to some, but it really isn’t at all. Are you wanting to swing for purely selfish purposes? Do you just want to be with someone besides your partner? Or, are you in it to explore together and make each other happy? Are you being selfish or not?
Talking to lots of swingers has give us a bit of a baseline to offer some advice on how to approach the topic with your partner. We don’t claim to be experts and we don’t guarantee success in becoming a swinger. However, we do think the path we recommend will keep you out of the doghouse and divorce court!
Tell them the truth! “Honey, I know it sounds a bit weird, but one of my fantasies is to swing with you. What do you think about that crazy fantasy?” There, that wasn’t that hard. Now the ball is firmly in their court and you have done due diligence being honest and open.
The next most important step is to reassure your partner that your fantasy isn’t due to some shortcoming in your own sex life and is just another fantasy. We had this problem up front as Courtney worried a bit about what wasn’t going on in our sex life to keep me fulfilled and happy.
The main thing to explain is that the fantasy is just that, a fantasy! Help your partner understand that it is just one of many fantasies and that if they are not comfortable playing around with the fantasy then that’s it. You will understand their lack of desire to play with the fantasy and will tuck that particular fantasy away.
So, in summation, the principles you should take away from this advice are:
1. Understand and examine your fantasy for any hint of selfishness
2. Understand that your fantasy is just a fantasy until your partner plays along
3. Tell your spouse/partner!
4. Understand your partner may feel threatened by the fantasy
Help your partner understand that they have the final say in how the fantasy plays out
Please leave a comment and let us know how this works or doesn't work for you guys!