In our last advice post, in which I discussed how swinging women were like and unlike their vanilla counterparts, we covered how, counterintuitively, swinging women are harder to get into bed. So, what’s a single guy supposed to do to increase their odds of success? I’m glad you asked! Let me, Courtney, be your guide as you try to get in my pants! Ha!
First off, let’s start with some basic pointers on swinging websites. Knowing, that as a single guy, you are one of millions sending hopeful messages to the handful of real swinging single women and couples. A single lady or usually the husband/male half of a couple, open their daily mail and dig through a ton of hopeful introductions. How do you get above the cut line and avoid your message being deleted out of hand?
Have a profile picture. If the avatar is a blank image then it says you are too lazy to even do the very basics. What would you be like in bed? Yuck! Have a good profile picture. Guess what? No one likes receiving an unwanted dick pic. So, if your profile picture is of your junk, then you just sent an unsolicited dick pic. You are who all those jokes are about! 99.9% of the time I, or Alex, will delete without even opening the message. So, what is a good profile picture? It’s a picture that shows off how fit you are or how exciting you are. Ripped torso shots are great and naked on a mountain peak is a close second.
What else shouldn’t go in your profile picture? Remember how I said that your wealth and personality won’t get you far in swinging? If you have a picture with your sports car or wearing a clown nose then your message is right in the delete bin.
Pictures where you are hiding an obvious flaw are another no go. Why is the top of your head cut off in the picture? Why do you have a pillow covering your belly? There’s probably a serious flaw. Also, things that say “I’m a thug” get you rejected by most ladies. Go ahead and send the baggy trousers, track suit, and baseball cap on sideways pictures… delete.
Did I mention the profile picture is important? It gets your message opened. The subject line doesn’t usually get your message opened but it does, many times, get your message deleted! There are a ton of overused subject lines that single guys think are highly original such as, “may I ask you a question?” or, “your pictures are stunning,” or, “I’m intrigued.” Keep the subject line simple as it usually just trips you up.
I will say that a reference to a post on our blog or a post in the swinging site forums will at least draw my attention. This guy actually read some of what we’ve written…hmm, maybe I’ll open his message.
So, you had a visually appealing picture and didn’t sabotage yourself with the subject line. You got a message opened! Now, don’t screw it up! The two main mistakes are terrible grammar/text speak and obvious cut and paste messages. We do have to spend some time talking with single guys as we start to play with them and they must be able to hold a conversation. If they can’t be bothered to fully form words and sentences in a message, how will they behave over a beer before a meet? Yes, it takes a little effort to write correctly but, it shows you are willing to make an effort elsewhere (like in bed!)
Cut and paste messages are a fact of life. As a single guy you are playing a numbers game but, single females and couples like to feel special. Suggest you have a hybrid cut and paste method. Have a paragraph that explains what you are looking for and then add some touches based on having read the single lady/couple’s profile. A reference to a statement in their profile will show you cared enough to read what the single lady/couple want.
Another big turn off for us (maybe not for everyone) is when a single guy introduces himself as a dom or a bull. There are some folks looking for a dom or a bull, but, mostly they are looking for a respectful sexual helper to make their fantasies come true. A swinging lady might have the fantasy of feeling her husband and some other man’s hands run all over her and her husband might have the fantasy of being in a threeway with his wife and another man. Neither of these fantasies have anything to do with dom guys or bulls.
It is a red flag for us when a single guy says he’s a dom. We don’t want anyone trying to take over the play session and we don’t want things done that we don’t prefer. I highly suggest that, if you must say you are a dom, you should qualify the statement. Something like, “can be dominant on demand but always respectful to a couple’s wishes.”
Another red flag for us is any hint that a single guy is stepping out on his wife/partner. “I can’t host.” Really? Why? We just don’t like the idea of being part of someone else getting hurt and don’t want any drama from wronged partners!
Anyway, avoid the immediate delete pitfalls, make the effort with your message, hit the gym and try your luck!