Advice – Those Sexy Black Stripes!

We don’t show our faces to just anyone who claims to be a swinger. We find that the pressure is high to show faces early in an online exchange and is growing over time. Further, there seems to be less tolerance and even hurt feelings when you quickly delete a face picture you’ve sent someone. What’s wrong with that sexy black stripe across our eyes?

We are just at the edge of that swinging generation forced to take great care to hide their identities. We don’t put the exact location of our home in any correspondence and check all our pictures to see if there are any telling items in the background that could give away our identities. Our pictures have parts blacked out or even our entire heads outside the frame. We don’t wear identifying jewelry in pictures and if we had tattoos, we would cover those up. On top of all that, our profiles, blog, articles, and books all are under pseudonyms.

Why do we go to such lengths? Well, to be entirely honest, our families would be mortified if they found out we were swinging. It would actually be easier to say we were both gay and getting a divorce than it would be to explain being swingers. Swinging is the last great taboo! We would love to be free to live our lives as we wish without fear of consequence. But, as our gay friends have explained to us, being out has its downside.

Also, employers can be intolerant of swingers. They worry that somehow swingers are going to be prowling at work trying to have sex with everyone on company time. There are few laws protecting swingers and employers are free to fire swingers for “conduct unbecoming” or “tarnishing” the company’s name. Want to rent an apartment in some places? They sometimes check your Facebook profiles and don’t want sleazy swingers! Never mind that swingers tend to keep their swinging and vanilla lives quite separate (and are not sleazy!).

The very next generation of swingers, we are almost in this group, have parents who are much more openminded. They grew up accepting all forms of sexual identity and attraction. These folks are happy to be out as swingers and to incorporate swinging into their broad sexual world view. They grew up posting all their deepest issues and emotions online without any qualms. What’s the issue with identifying as a swinger?

This generation also has little tolerance (funny that way) for swingers who wish to stay comfortably in the closet. The lack of understanding between swinging generations can lead to misunderstandings and lack of respect. Why do the younger swingers seem to have no regard for our privacy? Why do the older swingers stay so formal and hidden?

Much like any intergenerational dynamic, the swinging world needs to work on the principle of tolerance. We find that swinging goes on all the time between the generations of swingers and there is ample tolerance of experience (age) and appreciation of fit young bodies! Now we just need to understand each other's preferences on swinging privacy and identity.

Older generation of swingers, please take a deep breath and tolerate our younger generation’s freedom, openness and blasé disregard for personal privacy. Send young swingers those requested face pictures but only when you feel comfortable. And, feel free to explain why you need the utmost respect for confidentiality or why you aren’t comfortable sharing yet. You love their fit young bodies and enthusiasm, now also love their freedom and openness.

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Younger generation of swingers, please understand that for some, due to generation, employment, or family issues that they must remain closeted swingers. Understand that they may be coy about information that might identify them. They worry the elder generation feels about being outed is real as are the consequences. There are actually people who prey on closeted swingers for blackmail purposes! You love the confidence and sexual prowess of the elder generation of swingers, now love and understand their need for privacy and confidentiality!

As with everything in swinging, communication is key. Talk early and often about your concerns and preferences. Don’t be pressured into revealing things you are uncomfortable revealing. Don’t pressure others to reveal things beyond their comfort level. Be tolerant of other swingers’ preferences and concerns. Protect each other from an intolerant world while pushing for a better world!

Peace, sex, and fun! Happy swinging!